Must make their own decision about. Decision making: brief instructions. Make a decision quickly
Today I will tell you what methods will allow you make the right decision and learn to make decisions in general. This article will be based not only on my experience, but also on the decision-making methodology outlined in the famous book by Chip Heath and Dean Heath - “. This technique helps you make effective choices in business, in your career and in education. Here I will outline the main points of this technique, and also talk about what helps me personally in finding the right solutions.
Method 1 – Avoid “narrow frames”
Often we fall into the trap of “narrow frames”, when our thinking reduces the whole variety of possible solutions to a problem into only two options: “yes or no”, “to be or not to be”. “Should I divorce my husband or not?” “Should I buy this particular expensive car or take the subway?” “Should I go to the party or stay home?”
When we choose only between “Yes or No,” in fact, we are stuck with only one alternative (eg, breaking up with our husband, making a purchase) and ignoring the others. But maybe there are other options in your relationship besides breaking up with your partner and returning to the status quo. For example, try, discuss problems, go to a family psychologist, etc.
If you decide not to buy an expensive car on credit, that doesn't mean your only remaining alternative will be tedious subway rides. You can probably buy a cheaper car. But perhaps the most correct choice will lie in a different plane of decisions. Maybe it will be more convenient and profitable to rent housing closer to work. Or change your job to one less distant from home.
An alternative to choosing between different breeds of cats or dogs may be for you to go to a kennel and choose the stray pet that you like best.
This seems like an obvious tactic for thinking about choices, but yet many people continue to fall into the same traps. There is always a temptation to reduce the problem to a “Yes” or “No” dichotomy. We instinctively strive for this because it is much easier to view the problem only in black and white, rather than in all its diversity. But it turns out that with this approach we only create difficulties for ourselves.
We also often try to consider a choice between two extremes, although it is possible to find a compromise between them in the middle. Or we don’t notice that both of these extremes can be realized simultaneously and, in fact, it is not at all necessary to choose one of them.
Method 2 – Expand your selection
This method is a development of the previous method. Many of us are familiar with situations when we want to make an important purchase, for example, buying an apartment. We arrive at the first apartment, and we are fascinated by its appearance, and the realtor offers “favorable” terms of the transaction and thereby provokes us to make a quick decision. And we are no longer thinking about “which apartment to choose,” but about “whether to buy this particular apartment or not to buy.”
Do not hurry. It's better to look at five apartments instead of purchasing the first one you come across. Firstly, it will allow you to better navigate the real estate market. Perhaps there are better proposals. Secondly, the time you spend examining the remaining offers will “cool down” your immediate emotions. And momentary emotions always interfere with the right choice. While you are under their influence, you may overlook some obvious shortcomings of the apartments you like, but as time passes, you will be able to see the whole picture more clearly.
We become too attached to the goal to which our thinking is initially tuned. And this creates strong inertia in decision making: we are ready to see only what confirms our decision, and we ignore what contradicts it. For example, you have wanted to enter a certain university since school. A few years later you failed the entrance exams. And now you’re thinking about preparing hard and trying your luck again in a year. You reject all your friends’ arguments in favor of choosing another university, because you are used to thinking that your choice is the best.
But what if in the few years it took you to graduate, the situation has changed and the university you want to go to is no longer the same? Suddenly new promising educational institutions appeared? Don't get too attached to your choice and do some comparative analysis. Expand your choice! Check out the curriculum and faculty at other institutions. What other universities offer a similar program?
The auxiliary method of “disappearance of options” will help you become less attached to one alternative.
Variant disappearance method
Imagine that the alternative you have chosen cannot be chosen for some reason. For example, let’s say the university you want to enroll in has been closed. Now think about what you would do if this really happened. And start doing it. You'd probably start looking at other options, and perhaps in the process you'd discover how many great options you've missed out on because you were fixated on one alternative.
Method 3 – Get as much information as possible
The authors, Chip and Dean Heath, are surprised that it is common practice for many people to read reviews before buying electronic equipment, booking hotels or choosing hair salons. But at the same time, when it comes to choosing a job or university, fewer people use this wonderful practice, which helps to obtain a lot of valuable information.
Before making a decision about employment in a particular company, you can study the reviews of people who worked in it. This is better than relying only on the information that HR and your future boss provide you.
The Heath brothers suggest asking one interview question to do this.
“Who worked in this position before me? What is his name and how can I contact him?
There is nothing wrong with trying to get information first hand. When I learned about this practice, I was surprised that despite the obvious benefits of this approach, it had never occurred to me to use it during my job search!
You may not always be given contact information for these people. In this case, it will help you to get information practice of leading questions.
This practice is good because it allows you to get information from someone who is reluctant to share it.
During the interview:
Instead of asking what prospects and conditions you offer (you may be promised bright prospects and good working conditions), ask more direct questions:
“How many people have left this position in the last three years? Why did this happen? Where are they now?"
Asking this question will help you get more reliable information about future work.
In the shop:
One study found that when sales consultants, motivated to sell as many products as possible, were asked, “Tell me something about this model of iPod,” only 8% of them reported problems with it. But when they had to answer the question: “What problems does he have?” 90% of all managers were honest about the shortcomings of this model.
Method 4 – Get rid of momentary emotions
As I wrote above, instant emotions can greatly interfere with decision making. They make you lose sight of something important and focus on little things that later turn out to be insignificant.
Many of us are faced with the painful results of impulsive and unconscious choices, realizing that at the time of making the decision, we were blinded by emotions and did not see the full picture.
This may concern a quick marriage or impulsive divorce, expensive purchases or employment. How to avoid the influence of these emotions? There are several ways.
The first way to get rid of emotions is 10/10/10
This method allows you to move beyond the narrow perspective that momentary impulses establish. It consists of asking yourself three questions before making a decision:
- How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes?
- And in 10 months?
- What will happen in 10 years?
For example, you fell in love with another man and want to leave your children and leave your husband. If you make this decision, what will you think about it 10 minutes from now? The euphoria of love and new life will probably rage within you! Of course, you won't regret your decision.
But after 10 months, passion and love will subside (this always happens) and perhaps, when the veil of euphoria that has obscured your vision disappears, you will see the shortcomings of the new partner. At the same time, a bitter feeling of losing something dear will begin to appear. You may discover that what you used to take for granted was actually an advantage of your previous relationship. And this is no longer the case in your new relationship.
It is very difficult to predict what will happen in 10 years. But perhaps, after the heat of love has passed, you will realize that you have come to the same thing from which you were running.
Of course, I'm not saying that this will happen for everyone. For many relationships, divorce is the best solution. But, nevertheless, I am sure that many divorces occur impulsively and thoughtlessly. And it’s better to weigh everything carefully and distance yourself from the obsession of euphoria in anticipation of change.
The second way to get rid of emotions is to breathe.
Before making any important choice, give yourself a short time out. Take 10 calm, full and slow inhalations and exhalations of equal duration. For example, 6 slow counts inhale – 6 slow counts exhale. And so 10 cycles.
This will calm you down and cool down your ardor. Well, do you still want to order this expensive trinket you don’t need, just because you saw the same one from a colleague?
This method can be combined with the previous one. Breathe first and then apply 10/10/10.
The third way to get rid of emotions is “Ideal Me”
I came up with this method when I couldn’t make one decision. And he helped me a lot (I wrote about him in more detail in the article ““). Think about what your “ideal self” would do or what the ideal scenario would be like given the existing limitations. For example, you are thinking whether to go out drinking today or stay home with your wife and children. Many factors will compete with each other in making a decision: a sense of duty and a momentary desire to drink, caring for children and health with the need to have fun.
What to do? Think about what would be the ideal option. Just stay realistic. I understand that ideally you would like to split into two, so that one part of you stays at home, and the other part is having a blast at the party, while alcohol would not cause any harm to it and a hangover the next day. But that doesn't happen. Given the given restrictions, the ideal option would be to stay at home because last week you promised yourself to drink less often. You realize that your wife rarely sees you and if you don't go to the party, you'll feel better the next day.
You don't have to think about what you want more. Because, Just because you want something doesn't mean you need it. Desires are fickle and fleeting. Now you want one thing. But tomorrow you may regret that you indulged your instant desire. Think about which option would be correct. What would an ideal husband do?
The fourth way to get rid of emotions - What would you advise a friend?
Imagine that you want to change your job to a more comfortable and highly paid one, but you are afraid of change, afraid of being disappointed, don’t want to let your colleagues down, and worry about what your boss will think of you when you leave. Because of this, you just can’t decide to do it.
But what if this choice is not in front of you, but in front of your friend. What advice would you give him? Surely, if he shared with you his concerns about disappointments and the boss’s opinion, you would answer him: “Stop thinking about all this nonsense! Do what's best for you."
Surely many of you have noticed that you can give good and reasonable advice to your friends on how to solve certain situations, but at the same time, you yourself behave unreasonably in similar situations. Why? Because when we think about another person's decision, we look only at the essentials. But when it comes to ourselves, a bunch of little things immediately pop up to which we attach exaggerated importance. So, to get rid of the influence of these unimportant things on your decision, think about what you would advise your friend if he found himself in a similar situation.
The fifth way to get rid of emotions is just wait.
Remember, a quick decision is often a bad decision because it can be made under the influence of emotions. You don't have to listen to impulsive desires every time. In some cases, it makes sense to simply wait and not make a spontaneous choice. Impulsive desires, on the one hand, are quite intense and can be difficult to cope with. On the other hand, they are fleeting and you just have to wait a while and this desire will disappear. You will realize that what seemed like a basic necessity a couple of hours ago, you actually don’t need.
Personally, I like to let some decision “mature” in my head, give it time, provided that I am in no hurry. This doesn't mean I think about him all the time. I can be busy doing something, and suddenly a decision appears on its own. It even happens that I make a decision instantly, but am in no hurry to implement it if it concerns important and long-term things.
Over the course of a few days, details may pop up in my head that could change my choice. Or vice versa, I will understand that the first thought was the right thought, only now will I be sure of it.
The sixth way to get rid of emotions is to stay focused.
This method is suitable in situations where you need to make quick decisions while under psychological pressure, for example, during an interview.
As a poker fan, I know how important it is to stay focused so as not to give in to immediate emotions. Poker is fundamentally a game of decision making. I have noticed that when my mind wanders somewhere far from the game between hands, I make irrational and emotional actions when it is my turn to bet. But if I am focused on the game, even when I am not in the hand, for example, just watching my opponents, this allows my mind to be alert, constantly monitor everything around me and myself, think only about the game and not let unnecessary thoughts and emotions into brain.
Therefore, during an interview, for example, keep your attention on this process. Listen to everything they tell you. Don’t let extraneous thoughts enter your head, like: “What did they think of me?”, “Did I say too much?” Think about it later. But for now, be here now. This will help you make the right choices.
Method 10 – When not to use all these methods
If you look at all these methods, it seems that decision making is a very complex process. In fact, these methods are designed to help you make choices in which each alternative is defined by a set of advantages and disadvantages. But what if there are no shortcomings? What if you have nothing to lose if you choose one option?
Then forget about all these tips, act and see what happens.
For example, you saw a pretty girl on the street, you are single and are just looking for a mate. Stop going over the pros and cons in your head. You won't lose anything if you come up and get to know each other. This is an absolutely simple solution.
Such situations are the exception. The more you think about them and weigh decisions, the more uncertainty grows and the chances of missing an opportunity grow. Therefore, where the choice does not cost you anything, think less and act!
Conclusion – A little about intuition
The methods I've talked about are attempts to formalize decision making. Give precision and clarity to this process. But I don’t want to downplay the role of intuition.
These methods should not confuse you, instilling in you the illusory confidence that any decisions are amenable to reason and dry analysis. This is wrong. Often the choice is characterized by a lack of complete information and you will have to come to terms with the fact that in many situations it is impossible to know in advance with 100% certainty which decision will be better. Sometimes you just need to choose something, and then it will be clear whether you made the right choice or not.
Therefore, you need to use intuition, instead of waiting until your methods give you an unambiguous forecast of the correctness of this or that alternative. But at the same time, one cannot overestimate its role and rely too much on one’s “guts.” For this purpose, there is a formalized approach, which is designed to adjust the balance between your mind and feelings, logic and intuition. Finding the right balance between these things is the art of decision making!
Federal Law of 08.08.2001 N 129-FZ (as amended on 27.12.2018) “On state registration of legal entities and individual entrepreneurs” (as amended and supplemented, entered into force on 01.01.2019)
Article 13.1. Notice of reorganization of a legal entity
1. A legal entity, within three working days after the date of the decision on its reorganization, is obliged to notify the registration authority in writing about the start of the reorganization procedure, including the form of reorganization, with the decision on reorganization attached. If two or more legal entities participate in the reorganization, such notification is sent by the legal entity that last made the decision on reorganization or by a certain decision on reorganization. Based on this notification, the registration authority, within no more than three working days, makes an entry in the unified state register of legal entities that the legal entity (legal entities) is (are) in the process of reorganization.
2. The reorganized legal entity, after making an entry in the unified state register of legal entities about the beginning of the reorganization procedure, twice with a frequency of once a month, places a notice of its reorganization in the media in which data on the state registration of legal entities is published. If two or more legal entities participate in the reorganization, a notice of reorganization is published on behalf of all legal entities participating in the reorganization by the legal entity that last made the decision on reorganization or a certain decision on reorganization. The notice of reorganization contains information about each legal entity participating in the reorganization, created (continuing activities) as a result of the reorganization, the form of reorganization, a description of the procedure and conditions for creditors to submit their claims, and other information provided for by federal laws. The reorganized legal entity, within five working days after the date of sending the notice of the start of the reorganization procedure to the body carrying out state registration of legal entities, notifies in writing the creditors known to it about the start of the reorganization, unless otherwise provided by federal laws.
3. Entering into the unified state register of legal entities an entry(s) stating that a legal entity(ies) is(are) in the process of reorganization, as well as other entries in connection with the reorganization of legal entities is not allowed in the case of participation in the reorganization of a legal entity , in respect of which a decision has been made to liquidate it.
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There are many things that seem self-evident, but the mistakes we make indicate that they also need thoughtful reflection. One of these things is decision-making, without which, perhaps, not a single day lived by a person on earth. Abbot Nektary (Morozov) reflects on this - about how to make decisions and what to be guided by.
From scratch
Almost constantly, any priest has to deal with the fact that people turn to him for advice - both those whom he knows well and those whom he sees for the first time in his life - turning to him for advice, not knowing what decision to make in one or another life situation. And it must be said that almost every time the priest finds himself in a rather difficult situation. Why? Because the person who asks him a question knows his life, knows his circumstances, he should also know himself, and, based on all this, it would be logical, if a priest is needed, a blessing is required, to come with some kind of then a more or less ready-made decision and consult as to whether it is really correct, whether the priest can suggest something in this regard. But sometimes it happens completely differently: it happens that a person asks a priest a question, and it feels like he himself has begun to solve this problem completely from scratch. And in the same way, the priest begins to solve the problem with a blank slate, because he knows, of course, much less about a person’s life, his circumstances and about himself. And in this case, he has to rely on his life and pastoral experience, he has to rely on some minimal knowledge of this person, and, of course, pray to God at the same time, so that the Lord will help him not to make a mistake. And often, as a result, situations arise that I involuntarily recall the story of the wonderful English writer Jerome Klapka Jerome (whom everyone knows mainly from his famous story “Three in a Boat, Not Counting the Dog”).
Advice, more advice
This story begins with the author approaching a certain person on the platform and asking him: “Can you advise which train is best for me to get to...” Well, then he doesn’t have time to say anything, because this person comes completely unexpectedly into such a rage that he almost throws him under a train. Then, however, he becomes ashamed, he approaches the author and tells him: “I understand that my reaction may seem abnormal to you, but the fact is that when I am asked to give advice, it gives me very difficult feelings.”
It turned out that this man, who reacted so nervously to requests for advice, once wrote a book that contained a lot of useful advice and, in short, taught how to become happy. Soon after this, one man, who was at a crossroads and found it difficult to make a choice, turned to him as an expert, to someone who knows well. And the writer was a responsible person, he was a very good person, and he not only gave this visitor some answer based on his life experience, but first fully delved into his circumstances, studied them and even then offered him advice. This advice turned out to be unsuccessful and subsequently led to a real collapse. However, the trouble was not in the advice, but in the personality of the questioner himself...
But, despite the failure, after some time he came to the writer a second time and again asked for advice. He, reluctantly, again delved into his situation, spent time studying it and again gave him advice. And again the advice turned out to be unsuccessful...
And then this man pursued him all his life, and he, being, as we have already said, a responsible person, could not get rid of him and every time he tried to help him with something. Although the further it went, the harder it was for him.
Of course, this story is quite funny and entertaining, but at the same time I would not say that it is very different from what we encounter in our real lives. Because it seems that a huge number of people, asking the question of what to do in such and such a situation, have absolutely no idea on what the adoption of this or that decision should be based on, what its foundation should be. And so I wanted to talk about it at least a little.
Two extremes
But first of all, I will say about what is meant when we pronounce this word - “decision”. It happens that decisions have to be made on some global, turning-point issues. Well, for example, the decision to take monastic vows or to get married, the decision to choose a path in life, a profession, a choice - which is still a little simpler - of a university. And it happens that we are talking about decisions that are much less important, private, about those decisions that fill a person’s daily life. Moreover, they can concern both spiritual objects and issues, issues that have a moral dimension, and things that are of a purely everyday nature.
Sometimes a person makes some decisions without even noticing that he is making them
And now we have to face two extremes, and it is difficult to say which one is worse. One extreme is this: a person makes some decisions without even noticing that he is making them. He does not notice that there is a choice - to do one way or another, he does not analyze anything, does not think about anything and lives, obeying some element, which, like a river, carries him now in one direction, now in the other, now in the third, and here decision-making as such is largely absent - it is simply a direct response to life and its circumstances. And, of course, such a person makes a huge number of mistakes, for which he then has to pay very hard, for the people who know and love him, and sometimes even for complete strangers who somehow become participants in these situations in which mistakes are made .
But there is another extreme, when a person, on the contrary, somehow acutely, very vividly and very clearly understands that every life situation requires a certain choice, requires making this or that decision - and it is difficult to make this decision, it is difficult to make this choice. Why? Because every time we make a choice, when we make a decision, we take responsibility for the consequences of this choice and for the consequences of this decision. And it turns out that often a person strives in every possible way to avoid this responsibility, not to take it upon himself, to the point that he is ready to allow someone else to make a choice for himself and make a decision for himself, just so that this heavy burden himself does not carry.
The courage of decision
or A little about spontaneity
Without making independent decisions, human life, including Christian life, is impossible
But in fact, without making independent decisions, human life, including Christian life, is impossible. There are many situations - at work, in life around us - in which the moment of moral choice is clearly distinguished: when you need to understand who is right and who is wrong, who do you support in this situation, who are you forced to oppose in this situation, when you need to remain silent, and when you need to say some word, maybe in someone’s defense, maybe in someone’s support, or maybe, on the contrary, in denouncing something that needs this denunciation. And if you avoid making these decisions, then in some cases it is very easy to turn into a traitor, because sometimes in order to become a traitor, you don’t need to do something, but simply do nothing. And by a person’s silence, both God and people can betray themselves, and sometimes a person can betray himself, by not performing those actions and not making those decisions that he should make. Therefore, both sound reasoning and courage are required for decision-making - these are things that a person cannot do without.
And so you lay everything out together with the person, show him clearly the picture that he could well imagine himself, and the person says: “Thank you very much, I understand that you are right, this decision would be completely rash and would lead to terrible consequences.” " And I think: “Lord, how many such rash decisions do people make, but it would seem that this is a completely natural, simple thing - to understand that it was impossible to do this!”
"Pros and cons"
As a child, my mother taught me this wonderful method: when you need to make a decision and you cannot solve this problem in your head, because it is quite complex and multi-component, then you sit down, take a pen and a piece of paper and write in two columns: on the one hand, everything is “for”, on the other, everything is “against” - and then you simply compare them and understand which is more “for” or “against”. And, of course, the “pros” and “cons” are different, because the “pros” may include extreme necessity, and the “cons” column may contain an extreme risk of realizing what is associated with this necessity. And here, of course, it is necessary to somehow correctly determine this ratio: does the need justify the risk? Well, again, you understand that the universal patristic principle is at work here: choose the lesser of two evils, choose the greater of two goods. And compiling a list - or rather, two lists - helps to understand which evil is the lesser and which good is the greater. But if a person, having carried out such preparatory work, still finds himself unable to make a decision, then it makes sense to go to a confessor, or sometimes even in some situation, simply to a close person, reasonable and prudent, in order to discuss with them what you have already managed to think about for yourself. If this thoughtfulness is absent, then, probably, it is also premature to consult; you still need to work on your own first.
Of course, there are life situations when you can’t get by with just these pros and cons.” In particular, this is the already mentioned question of accepting monasticism or entering into marriage. This is probably the most striking illustration of those situations when a decision should be made not on the basis of pros and cons, which can also be present, which can also be considered, and it’s even good when they are considered, but, nevertheless, this those cases when a decision should be made not by the mind, not by some rational consciousness of a person, but by his heart. And so the question of love arises here. If a person loves another person so much that he cannot imagine life without him, this is the basis for marriage. If a person loves God and loves monastic life, because it is the most direct path to God, then it is completely natural that he can choose this life for himself. “Pros” and “cons” also play a certain role here, because sometimes we succumb to emotions, sometimes it seems to us that what we take for some kind of stable, solid feeling is just a mood - and here the “pros” " and "against" help us. When we begin to dismantle them, these “against” can cool us down, can stop us. If they stop us, if they cool us down, then this is a reason to doubt our feelings. Because if this feeling is real, then, as a rule, it overcomes any problems.
Lesson of the Apostle Peter
Indecision and fear of responsibility sometimes lead people to the state in which one animal was, dying between two haystacks. You probably remember, right? The donkey stood between two haystacks and could not decide which one to start his meal with. And since he could not choose which one to start with, he died of hunger. In fact, it seems funny, it seems kind of stupid, but on the other hand, it’s not that rare, something like this happens to people quite often. And I can even say that there is such a dispensation and such a state of a person when it is no longer worth even figuring out which haystack to start with, which is better, which is tastier, which is bigger, and so on - you have to start with some, with any, because in this case, if a person does not have the ability to make decisions at all, the least evil for him would be to begin to learn to make these decisions at least somehow, taking a step not back, but forward.
Here is an example of the Apostle Peter making a decision when he walked on the water to meet the Savior: on the one hand, there was certainly an emotional moment here, on the other hand, there was a rational moment. There was a storm, they were afraid, the Savior was coming towards them, and the disciples were afraid because they did not recognize Him and doubted whether it was He. And so the Apostle Peter somehow puts it all together and understands that if now the One who is coming to meet him gives him the opportunity to walk on water, then it is definitely the Lord. And then there is also no need to fear the sinking of their ship. That is, there is a certain calculation here too. And at the same time – a powerful emotional movement. One thing connects to another, he takes a step and walks.
There are situations when we understand: if we don’t make a decision, then perhaps our whole life will pass us by
And we sometimes find ourselves in a situation where there are not enough pros and cons, when we understand that if we don’t make a decision, then perhaps our whole life that we should have will pass by, that we can lose everything that the Lord wants to give us in this life. But what is the basis here? If the Apostle Peter had just stepped onto the water, he would certainly have drowned, and we would probably even have known practically nothing about him. But he didn’t just step on the water - he stepped on the water because he trusted God. And for us - when all the pros and cons have already been added up, when common sense has already been called to help, but we still cannot make a decision - then it is necessary, after praying and not feeling inclined towards one or the other, nevertheless, we still make a decision, trusting God and trusting that if we, having trusted Him, made some decision and made a mistake, then He will correct our mistake for us.
This is a subtle but very important point. If we make a mistake, not remembering God and not asking Him for admonition and blessing, then we will, of course, bear all responsibility for the consequences of this decision on ourselves. If we sincerely want to find the will of God, if we sincerely try to understand what it is, and we make a mistake, having already begun to seek this will and asking God for help, then it often turns out that our mistake turns to our benefit. Maybe we suffer, maybe it takes time, maybe it takes energy, but it becomes a lesson for us. This gives us experience, it gives us some completely different personal integrity, and through this path - first losses, and then gains - the Lord leads us to the goal for which, perhaps, we initially strived. But when we asked, when we sought admonition, we were not yet ready to accept what we were looking for, what we wanted, because any gift is given to a person by God when the person is really prepared for it, and otherwise the person easily loses what he received.
If we sincerely want to find the will of God and are mistaken, having already begun to seek this will and asking God for help, then our mistake turns to our benefit
This is very briefly what I wanted to say about decision making. This word was born spontaneously, thanks to a number of situations that I had to face over the past few days. And in fact, I am convinced that, despite the fact that we have now talked about this, someone present here, after some time, will definitely ask me a question of approximately the same kind as I said at the beginning - without thinking it through, without preparing, without even thinking about any pros or cons, and even more so without praying, without which everything is in vain. I, of course, will not judge anyone for this, and even though such questions sometimes sound funny, I will not laugh at them and will try to help where possible, but nevertheless I would really like to urge you to make the work of making decisions, at least, at least jointly. This is very, very important, because the task of a priest is in no way to make decisions for a person, in no case is it to lead him in the full sense of the word, it is to help a person learns to make the right decisions if he himself does not yet know how. In general, a priest should help a person learn everything that he needs in the Christian life. And the shepherd must gradually lead a person to feel as little need for him as possible, and in no case vice versa.
A person’s entire life consists of a series of decisions made – big and small. The whole future life depends on some of them. Many people have difficulty when faced with making a choice. Let's figure out how to make the decision-making process more effective, and what methods can be used to do this.
Every day life presents us with a choice, presenting us with various tasks. What to cook for breakfast? What suit to wear to work? Which phone should I buy? Where to go on vacation during your vacation? Should I agree to the marriage proposal or wait? Should I quit my job or stay? There are decisions that don’t really affect anything, but there are those that radically change your life.
All people behave differently when making decisions. There is a category of people who are called “don’t care”. They are never tormented by choice, because they give preference to the first or simplest option. They put on the clothes that are the first to be taken out of the closet, go on a date with the first person to invite them, take the job that is easiest to get, etc. These people believe that life itself will put everything in its place, so they don’t It's worth the effort.
Another category of people is guided by intuition when making important decisions. These individuals always listen to their inner voice and do not doubt the correctness of the decisions made. However, there are not very many such people.
The majority of people are individuals who have difficulty making choices. They suffer, doubt, weigh every option, but still cannot make a final decision. And when the decision is made, they continue to doubt its correctness. If you belong to the category of such people and do not know how to make a decision when in doubt, then it will be useful for you to learn several methods that make the selection process easier.
Method 1. “Descartes Square”
The essence of the method is to consider the problem facing you from four different angles. To do this, you need to ask yourself 4 questions. Take a piece of paper and divide it into four parts in the form of a square. Write one of the questions in each part:
- What good will I get if I fulfill my plan?
- What good will I get if I refuse to fulfill my plans?
- What harm will I get if I fulfill my plan?
- What harm will I get if I refuse to fulfill my plans?
Think and write the answer to the question in each square. By listing all the pros and cons of implementing your plan and refusing to implement it, you can understand which decision is best for you to make.
If you don’t know what to do in a particular situation and stop doubting, tell the two closest people about the problem and ask them for advice. Popular wisdom says that every person has his own guardian angel who protects and guides him on the right path. The Guardian Angel gives clues through intuition. If a person has poorly developed intuition, then an angel can convey a hint through a loved one. Hence the recommendation to ask for advice from the two closest people.
Method 3. “Expanding the framework”
The problem with most people is that they force themselves into narrow boundaries and do not see alternatives. They tend to get caught up in the “Yes” and “No” options, not realizing that there are other choices. Let's say you want to take out a car loan. You see only two options: take a car loan or continue using public transport.
By expanding your choice, you will see alternative options. For example: you can find a cheaper car and buy it no longer on credit; you can refuse the loan and start saving money to buy a car; you can rent a house closer to work and avoid using public transport; you can even change your job by getting a job in another company located close to your home; You can negotiate with one of your colleagues to give you a ride to work in his car for a certain fee. As you can see, there can be many options, the main thing is to see them.
Method 4. “Disappearance of options”
Imagine that the option you like best is not available. For example, the company you want to get a job with has ceased to exist. Think about what to do in this case. Thinking in this vein, you will discover other, no less interesting options for a relatively new job that you have not seen before because you were fixated on one.
Method 5. “Glass of water”
The author of this technique is the American parapsychologist Jose Silva, founder of the Silva Method, author of books on unconventional psychology. He suggests the following: in the evening before going to bed, pour clean, unboiled water into a glass. Take the glass with both hands, close your eyes, focus on the problem that worries you and clearly formulate the question that requires a decision. Then, slowly, drink half the glass, mentally repeating something like this: “This is all I need to make the right decision.”
Place a glass with the remaining water near your bed and go to bed. First thing in the morning after waking up, drink some water and thank your subconscious for the right decision. The solution may come immediately after waking up or during the day. People who have tried this technique claim that it works.
Method 6. “Delay”
If you can't make a choice and make a decision, give yourself a break. When you're excited and your brain is overloaded with information, it's very difficult to make the right choices. Remember how often you made the wrong decision in a hurry and then regretted it? To prevent this from happening, take a break, calm down, and once again carefully analyze the strengths and weaknesses of your choice. There are not many situations in life that require instant decision making, so don’t be afraid to put it off for a while.
Method 7. “Own the information”
Before making a choice, try to find out as much information as possible about the option you are going to choose. When it comes to purchasing a product, read reviews about it on the Internet. When deciding to change jobs, learn everything about the position you will be taking and the people who worked there before you. If possible, track down these people to get first-hand information. You understand that the employer may not tell you about all the difficulties that await you, and a person who has already worked in this company before is unlikely to withhold such information.
The more important the decision you make, the more responsible your approach to finding the information you need must be. This way you will protect yourself from deception and prepare for possible difficulties.
Method 8. “Drop your emotions”
Emotions greatly interfere with making the right decision because they distort the vision of the situation. An emotionally agitated person is unable to think sensibly. Therefore, make it a rule: never make decisions while at the peak of emotions. Anger, fear, malice, as well as intense joy and euphoria are bad advisers in decision making.
If you are overcome by emotions, do not make any choice. Give yourself time to cool down, and then take a sober look at the situation. This way you will protect yourself from rash actions and their consequences.
How to get rid of emotions?
Even when you realize that emotions are preventing you from making the right choices, you can't always get rid of them. To make this process easier, use simple methods.
10/10/10
This method allows you to put aside immediate impulses and look at the situation in the long term. The essence of the method is to ask yourself three questions before making a decision:
- How will I feel about my choice in 10 minutes?
- How will I feel about my choice in 10 months?
- How will I feel about my choice in 10 years?
Let's say you want to take out an expensive car on credit. You apply for a loan and get behind the wheel of a brand new car. What will you think 10 minutes after the purchase? You will probably be euphoric, rejoicing at your purchase. But after 10 months, the joy will subside, and you will feel the full weight of the credit burden and will be faced with the need to limit yourself in many things. And in 10 years, when you finally pay off your debts, you will see that your car is old and requires repairs, or maybe you are so tired of it that you want to sell it.
The 10/10/10 method can be used in any situation. It perfectly helps to pacify emotions and look at the long-term consequences of your choice, so as not to regret what you did later.
Stay in the dark
A good way to calm your emotions is to simply be in the dark. Psychologists have proven that twilight or complete darkness calms a person and helps put his thoughts in order. Please note that jewelry stores are always brightly lit. Do you think this was done so that gold and precious stones would play and shimmer better in the rays of light? Not just for this. Marketing experts know that bright lights are more likely to make people make impulse purchases.
If you need to calm your emotions in order to make the right decision, sit for a while in a dim or dark room and reconsider the consequences of your choice.
Breathe deeply
Another simple but effective method that helps in the fight against emotions is deep breathing. Take 10 slow, deep breaths in and out, and then ask yourself again: “Am I doing the right thing?”
Think about what you would advise a friend
To reduce emotions and cool down the ardor, it is useful to look at the situation from the outside. Imagine that it is not you who are faced with the need to make a decision, but your friend. What would you advise him to do in this situation?
Many people notice this peculiarity in themselves: they give practical and rational advice to their friends, but when they find themselves in similar situations, they behave extremely stupidly. This happens because, looking at the problem from the outside, we see only the most essential. And when we ourselves find ourselves in the middle of a problem, a lot of little things come up that we attach too much importance to.
The ability to abstract yourself and look at a situation with an unbiased mind gives a significant advantage when it comes to making the right choice.
Method 9. “Following life priorities”
Each person has his own life values, rules and priorities that influence his choices. Always stick to these values and you can't go wrong. For example, you are offered a choice of two positions: one of them is prestigious and highly paid, but requires a lot of dedication from you; the second is less prestigious and does not have such a high salary, but you don’t have to work overtime and you have a lot of free time. Which one to choose?
To make decisions without doubt and stress, be guided by your life priorities. If your family comes first, then choose a position that is not so prestigious and paid, but will not steal your personal time, which you can devote to loved ones. If you dream of building a career, give preference to a prestigious and highly paid position that will help you move up the career ladder.
Method 10. “Intuition”
Intuition is a wonderful tool that not everyone knows how to use. She can tell you a way out when rational methods do not bring the desired result. And it often happens like this: you make a choice based on logic and rationality, and this choice seems to you the most correct, but your inner voice stubbornly protests against it. Maybe we should listen to him?
Develop intuition, and it will become an excellent assistant in different situations, but do not overestimate its role and do not forget about reason and logic.
If you find yourself in a situation of choice, use any of the listed methods, or better yet, use several at once. Over time, you will understand which method suits you best and will be able to use it in a variety of life situations. By learning to make decisions, you will significantly improve the quality of your life.
